30 Reasons Why Sex is Better than Beer

My 40 Reasons why Sex is Better than Chocolate is still one of the most popular articles on this site even several months after being posted. But with all the lists out there, my crusade to debunk all these foolish ideas is far from complete. So to back up my contention that nothing is better than sex, I give you:

30 Reasons Why Sex is Better than Beer

  • In sex, lots of head never gets in the way of enjoyment.
  • Lots sex won’t leave you throwing up all morning the next day.
  • You can drive perfectly well after sex.
  • Sex won’t run up a tab if you have a lot in one night.
  • The brand of sex you prefer is almost always on tap wherever you go.
  • Sex doesn’t give you a hangover.
  • Near-sex is still worth the time and effort to get it.
  • Only teenagers get their car keys taken away because they had too much sex.
  • You don’t have to be a frat boy to enjoy games involving sex.
  • You can enjoy sex outdoors in any kind of weather.
  • Sex doesn’t go flat if you take too much time enjoying it.
  • No one has ever gotten in shape drinking beer.
  • Nor has anyone ever been described as a ‘beer athlete.’
  • There’s nothing to brag about when discussing your beer-drinking techniques.
  • Exploring multiple kinds of beer just makes you a drunk.
  • Having a cigarette after sex won’t make your mouth taste a barroom floor.
  • Fantasizing about sex is normal; fantasizing about beer is grounds for an intervention.
  • You can have sex in a car without the risk of killing someone.
  • Sharing one beer with multiple people is not nearly as exciting as sharing sex is.
  • Sex is still good when it is warm.
  • Having sex isn’t against anyone’s religion.
  • Nobody can fill an entire store with movies about beer.
  • You rarely run out of sex just as you were starting to enjoy it.
  • You don’t have to put up with random teenagers asking you to buy sex for them.
  • There’s no such thing as too much sex.
  • Beer never gives you a good excuse to get dressed up or wear a costume.
  • You can enjoy sex on its side, upside down, or in the shower.
  • Mixing chocolate syrup in with your beer will ruin it.
  • When someone puts handcuffs on you when you’re drinking beer, odds are the fun is over; when someone puts handcuffs on you during sex, odds are the fun just started.

…and finally:

  • Anyone can go down to the liquor store and buy an import; trying different kinds of sex from all around the world is a real challenge!

~ by Brian Rideout on 17/06/2010.

One Response to “30 Reasons Why Sex is Better than Beer”

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