40 Reasons Why Sex is Better than Chocolate

For years there has been this list going around about why chocolate is better than sex. Half of the items in it are terrible groaners, and half of them make me suspect that the writer and the people mailing the list around have been having really lousy sex. So, I offer for your amusement and edification my counter-list of not ten, not twenty, but forty reasons why sex is better than chocolate.

40 Reasons why Sex is Better than Chocolate

1. If someone gives you sex, you’ve actually earned it.

2. You have a lot of control over the quality of the sex you get.

3. People ask before changing the recipe of your favourite sex.

4. You can’t make convincing artificial sex out of soy and preservatives.

5. Smoking after sex tastes far better than smoking after chocolate.

6. Having sex outdoors is actually exciting.

7. You’ll never be disappointed by the quality of caramel, when it is included in sex.

8. Having sex many times in a day won’t ruin your skin or teeth.

9. Having lots of sex will actually help you lose weight.

10. The sex is cheaper and more enjoyable than chocolate at drive-in movies.

11. No one ever got famous filming themselves having chocolate.

12. Fantasizing about sex is normal, fantasizing about chocolate is only normal when its part of a fantasy about sex.

13. There is no such thing as boring, mass-marketed cheap sex.

14. The toys you find in chocolate are not nearly as interesting as the toys you find in sex.

15. Sex never has ingredients you can’t pronounce.

16. Hot sex takes no time at all to make.

17. You don’t have to get showered, dressed, and run out to the store to enjoy some quick sex.

18. You can still enjoy sex after it gets dirty.

19. You can have sex over the phone or Internet.

20. You’re never expected to share sex with your younger siblings.

21. Nobody makes you feel embarrassed for having made a mess while having sex.

22. Sex actually gets better after its hit the floor.

23. If you’re going to have sex on the kitchen counter, you don’t have to put a plate under it.

24. Even if there a large numbers of people involved, there’s still enough sex to go around.

25. It’s hard to get indigestion from sex.

26. When’s the last time you saw someone effectively sell soap, cars, or laundry detergent with promises of chocolate.

27. If the sex you had was so messy you had to do housework after it, it was still worth it.

28. Nobody has ever earned titles like ‘chocolate athlete’ or ‘chocolate adventurer’.

29. You can spread the sex all over your house and not ruin anything.

30. Having chocolate with two people at once will not earn you a heroic reputation.

31. If you’re all alone in the middle of the desert without a store in sight, you can still have sex.

32. It’s much harder to keep an audience listening to you talk about the exciting chocolate you had.

33. It’s much harder to spot fake sex… and most of the time you don’t care if the sex is fake anyway.

34. If you wreck the furniture with chocolate it is a waste; if you wreck the furniture with sex it’s an adventure!

35. If your chocolate gets sandy or wet on the beach, it has not been improved.

36. In sex, getting the wrappings off is part of the fun.

37. Nobody will give you free drinks in hopes of getting chocolate in return.

38. Sex won’t spoil in the cupboard.

39. You’ll remember how much you enjoyed sex for weeks after having it.

40. There’s no such thing as too much sex.


~ by Brian Rideout on 01/03/2010.

One Response to “40 Reasons Why Sex is Better than Chocolate”

  1. This is a fabulous and very creative list – thanks for posting!

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