Revitalizing TCSG

•27/02/2012 • 2 Comments

I’ve been neglecting this blog for about two years.  Shortly after publishing The Coffee Shop Goddess I decided I needed a serious change in my life, which included taking a totally new direction, and putting my writing career on hold.  The resulting journey was… intense.  I have evolved a lot as a person.  I think I am finally ready to start writing some humour again.  Expect something new on Wednesday, and regularly on Wednesdays hereafter.  Pagan, sex, and dating humour.

In the meantime, if you are interested in learning about what I’ve been up to, you can find me in two places:

New Worlds Coaching

After all the struggles that brought me to the self-publishing arena, including the mistakes, frustration, and heartbreak, I decided I wanted to help other writers accomplish what I did – only better!  I studied NLP, hypnosis, motivational speaking, time management, and a whole slew of other skills and became a life coach for artists, writers, and creative types.

After all, Niels Bohr once said “An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made,in a narrow field”

The Wild Man Project

Of course, creativity isn’t the only thing I’ve struggled with for a very long time.  I’ve spent years trying to find a way to relate and understand my own masculinity and manhood.   After a particularly rough patch, I took an interest in Men’s Issues, and suddenly found a topic I was passionate about in a way I had never been before.

Studying Men’s issues took me down a rabbit hole: I moved from Game and Pick-Up Artistry to the Men’s Movement of the 1990s to the modern Men’s Rights Movement, to the growing 21st Century Masculinities movement… even (goddess help me!) the Metrosexual movement to try to understand what was going on in my life.

I am not only coaching, I am writing self-help materials, and an increasingly well-read (but usually pretty serious) blog about Men’s Issues.  I’ll be working on a book this Spring as well.

Believe me, the potential for laughs there is unbelievable.


30 Reasons Why Sex is Better than Beer

•17/06/2010 • 1 Comment

My 40 Reasons why Sex is Better than Chocolate is still one of the most popular articles on this site even several months after being posted. But with all the lists out there, my crusade to debunk all these foolish ideas is far from complete. So to back up my contention that nothing is better than sex, I give you:

30 Reasons Why Sex is Better than Beer

  • In sex, lots of head never gets in the way of enjoyment.
  • Lots sex won’t leave you throwing up all morning the next day.
  • You can drive perfectly well after sex.
  • Sex won’t run up a tab if you have a lot in one night.
  • The brand of sex you prefer is almost always on tap wherever you go.
  • Sex doesn’t give you a hangover.
  • Near-sex is still worth the time and effort to get it.
  • Only teenagers get their car keys taken away because they had too much sex.
  • You don’t have to be a frat boy to enjoy games involving sex.
  • You can enjoy sex outdoors in any kind of weather.
  • Sex doesn’t go flat if you take too much time enjoying it.
  • No one has ever gotten in shape drinking beer.
  • Nor has anyone ever been described as a ‘beer athlete.’
  • There’s nothing to brag about when discussing your beer-drinking techniques.
  • Exploring multiple kinds of beer just makes you a drunk.
  • Having a cigarette after sex won’t make your mouth taste a barroom floor.
  • Fantasizing about sex is normal; fantasizing about beer is grounds for an intervention.
  • You can have sex in a car without the risk of killing someone.
  • Sharing one beer with multiple people is not nearly as exciting as sharing sex is.
  • Sex is still good when it is warm.
  • Having sex isn’t against anyone’s religion.
  • Nobody can fill an entire store with movies about beer.
  • You rarely run out of sex just as you were starting to enjoy it.
  • You don’t have to put up with random teenagers asking you to buy sex for them.
  • There’s no such thing as too much sex.
  • Beer never gives you a good excuse to get dressed up or wear a costume.
  • You can enjoy sex on its side, upside down, or in the shower.
  • Mixing chocolate syrup in with your beer will ruin it.
  • When someone puts handcuffs on you when you’re drinking beer, odds are the fun is over; when someone puts handcuffs on you during sex, odds are the fun just started.

…and finally:

  • Anyone can go down to the liquor store and buy an import; trying different kinds of sex from all around the world is a real challenge!

Brian C. Rideout’s Punk Dictionary of Politics

•27/05/2010 • 2 Comments

I used to be very interested in politics; I spent ages studying political systems, reading manifestos and philosophical treatises. I had passionate debates and long meandering conversations. The more I studied, however, the more tenuous it all seemed.

Political systems are fictions, they are imaginary things that only have power so long as either a large majority of people, or a minority of heavily armed ones, believe in it. Just as yellow lines painted on a road don’t actually stop oncoming cars, a government doesn’t stop chaos and disorder. People choose not to drive over the yellow line, and they choose to obey the government.

But while they yellow lines may be ugly, they are ultimately benign. Political systems, however, can do people a lot of damage. And the more you look at them, the faultier, sillier, and more irrational they seem. I don’t believe we will ever create a system that works and is based on an inscrutable understanding of reality. People who understand reality have no time for politics.

Herein I hold up a mirror to some of our big ideas, systems, and machines that are at the heart of the government, and show you how silly, laughable, and downright bizarre they can be. And I do so with a light heart, because life is too short to take politics seriously.

Anarchy: The myth that, when free of all rules, after people hit each other enough they’ll get tired of it and make something functional.

Banks: See Corporation.

Capitalism: The myth that in a relatively free market, merchants will be respectful or afraid of consumer opinion, rather than trying to manipulate and control it.

Communism: The myth that equality of wealth and opportunity will somehow lead to equality among the people.

Conservativism: 1. The myth that things were better in a past, despite the fact that the past they describe never existed.

2. The myth that things almost work as they are now, and that any change will make it worse.

Corporation: 1. A machine made up of ideas, bank accounts, tools, and employment contracts used by wealthy people to produce political clout.

2. A fictional person given superior citizenship in a country, despite being unanswerable morally, and unable to reproduce, die, or feel emotion.

Corporatism: The myth that a machine made up of ideas is more ethical than gas-powered ones like chainsaws, and thus needs no laws to control it.

Defecit: A theoretical measure of how much the current generation has borrowed from banks against the blood, sweat, and tears of future ones.

Democratism: The myth that if we let everyone decide, they will somehow care what is good for everyone.

Fascism: The myth that one person with a strong mind, when given enough power, will keep the public good at heart.

Human Rights: 1. The Myth that a person has certain innate magical privileges that cannot be taken away from them by force or deception.

2. A carefully engineered list of things a government tells a person they can do used to distract them from the things that the government doesn’t let them do.

Ideologies: Myths that serve as shortcuts to critical thought. Perpetuated by the Myth that someone else’s ideas are an acceptable way to view the world, and that a person can thus understand the world by reading and obeying someone else’s manifesto.

Liberalism (Philosophical): The belief that somehow human beings can exist outside of society, and choose to put up with other human beings in a society because it benefits them, usually followed by the assertion that the only legitimate society is one that recognizes that society is an agreement between individuals.

Liberalism (Political): 1. The myth that somehow, people on a whole are capable of being happy if left to their own devices.

2. The myth that if people are offered the opportunity to look at the issues rationally, they will choose a sensible, inclusive option.

Libertarianism: The myth that we can safely ignore anything but our own happiness, and thus a government can be effectively relegated to maintaining roads and schools.

Marxism: The myth that most of human misery is rooted in one group stepping on another group, and thus most misery can be stopped by somehow making it impossible for people to exist on different levels.

Money: 1. A symbol that inaccurately quantifies the quality of human potential.

2. A device used to keep the middle classes working hourly jobs: used by neither the upper nor lower classes.

Progress: The myth that we can somehow become happier and better if we just keep making new machines, corporations, ad economic models.

Realpolitik: The myth that pragmatism, efficiency, and profits trump idealism, dignity, citizen welfare, or sovereignty in a well-run government.
Republicanism: The myth that if we make leaders who are answerable to the public they’ll do the right thing.

Socialism: The myth that a government can provide food, shelter and medicine to its populace and still respect that populace.

Theocratism: The myth that religious leaders have a clue what God wants and can put it into law.

United Nations: A construct created by several powerful nations to ensure that other nations follow rules that they would never follow themselves.

Re-Envisioning the Writer

•18/05/2010 • Leave a Comment

I think it is time we reconsidered how we envision the profession of writing. There are dozens of myths about the writing life, and few of them are actually true: Writers rarely achieve fame or success. It is a hard life and can be a heart-breaking one. A career in writing alone will often result in a life of poverty. It is often more about who you now than your skill in wordsmithing that will determine success. The world is full of predators looking for chances to prey on the would-be writer. Most importantly, the writing life is absolutely nothing like a creative writing class would have you believe.

Studying the authors of the past teaches us nothing about the present; most of the great writers of the Victorian era lived in a time when books were one of the only forms of mass entertainment, and the writer was the equivalent of the media superstar. Today there are so many competing forms of media, so many different ways to set forward one’s thoughts that the creative writer has been pressed to the margins.

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Radical Reality Turned me into a Comedian: My Experiences with Jr. High and Middle School Issues Presentations

•22/04/2010 • Leave a Comment

When I was in Junior High we got a lot of performance artists in the schools giving presentations on heavy topics like drugs, sex, abstinence, alcohol, AIDS, cultural tolerance, or self-esteem. They’d start with a live performance, often music or a dance routine, and then the main presenter would tell us about their personal experiences; how their life had gone horribly wrong, how they and were struggling with the consequences in the present. If it was a drugs or alcohol presentation they’d make a big deal about how they put their life back on track. These presentations had a huge impact on me…

…I would have nowhere near the same level of cynicism or the sense of the absurd that I do today were it not for these ridiculous programs! These things exist to be the fodder for comedy!

Continue reading ‘Radical Reality Turned me into a Comedian: My Experiences with Jr. High and Middle School Issues Presentations’

Seven Things all Writers Should be Told

•30/03/2010 • 1 Comment

Today I spent a fair chunk of my morning speaking to a writer from another country who was struggling. He’s got it bad in a lot of respects, and it gave me some insight into the writing lifestyle on an international level, and what we need to start hearing that we don’t.

First off, my friend lives in an oppressive culture compared to our own; the city he lives in is modern, and in theory the nation is democratic, but the practice is very different. Speaking ill of the government can get you arrested for sedition or locked up in a mental institute. Writing about politics even in weblogs is criminal at certain times of the year (no matter what your view), and the government controls all media outlets. He is forced to maintain a pen name totally alien from his real name in case he should accidentally say something objectionable, and often avoids certain topics in Internet chat because all ISPs are government-owned and monitored.

Censorship is intense and often carried out below the policy level. My friend was blackballed from one of the country’s few publishing venues (all of them owned by the same government organization,) for ordering a beer in a bar at noon, contrary to popular decorum. Worse yet, other writers have been getting at him, not for his own good, but because after years of being forced to digested a flavourless blend of sanitized pap, propaganda and elite haute couture (i.e. excessive amounts of Dickens and Shakespeare), they get irritated with creativity and imagination outside of those scopes.

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Spring Science Fiction Week Story 5: The Drug

•26/03/2010 • Leave a Comment

I wanted to provide an absolutely brand new, shiny piece of science fiction this week for a finale, and so I have spent my day telling a story about the biggest drug a lot of men take.

I should note, that while there is a lot of discussion in this story of failing relationships, the border between love and hate, and the problems with marriage, they are mostly drawn from observation of other people’s problems. My own marriage is still a strong beautiful thing, and I believe it will be well after tie travel really does make us all immortal: some things are made for forever.

Of course, being a new piece, it may be raw and in desperate need of modification later on. Enjoy!

The Drug

The candlelight trapped and reflected in sweat looked like gold dust on Nicole’s full, tanned breasts. Eric stopped for a moment, panting and trembling to admire it, get lost in the golden light… so perfect. This moment was always so perfect. Then her long artist’s fingers pulled at his hair and she guided him down to her right nipple. He took it in his teeth and teased her until she gasped an pushed his head away again.

His eyes travelled up her glittering body to her smiling, ice-blue eyes, a tangle of wet brass-coloured hair plastered to her face between them. It was that smile, that perfect moment: the smile full of laughter, the way she bit her lower lip and still showed a mouth full of white teeth. The moment of invitation, the tiny nod, the moan, the squirm, the feel of his long, sensitive fingers wiping the hair from his face… that was why he kept coming back to this moment. To feel perfect, beautiful love with his fingertips.

Continue reading ‘Spring Science Fiction Week Story 5: The Drug’